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Old 10-07-2010, 06:15 AM
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Scytherwolf Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG]

OKAY! I finally finished the review! Sorry it took so long. D: (Won't happen next time!)

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ANYWAY! Really funny thing. I had been writing this day in and day out, and page after page! I wrote about four pages in the span of a few days. O_O WEIRD, HUH?! But fantastic! I just kept writing, and today I looked at it and realised I had enough to finish the chapter where it was! I was so happy but surprised! xD I'm gonna have to split the chapter, however, BUT THAT MEANS I CAN HAVE BOOKS! I decided having books would be cool, and maybe every 20 or so chapters I'd start another book. ;3 So now that I have one extra chapter, I can start the second book where I'd like to (if my other chapters don't end up being unexpectedly long like this xD). :D
That's bigly awesome! I love how you have so much inspiration right now! (Share some with me!) And that's a really good idea. o: In my mind, I sort of jokingly refer to The Path of Destiny chapter 1-45(the articuno chapter) as the first "season". XD Though I have no idea how long the other 'seasons' would be or when they end. o: I like your idea, though! I might do something like that with Mind Whisperer or something. (And haha, chapters seem to like turning out unexpectedly long. XD)
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After learning that the bellossom’s name was Mio, and that her mate was called Greech, she told me about her son, an oddish called Ollie.
That is the PERFECT name for an oddish. :D

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and I came to wonder what kind of a parent I would make.
A better one than Thunder, I hope? xD

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We tossed our gazes between each other like a bundle of hay as I was quick to recognise this pokémon.
I like that analogy. xD

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My mind ran in circles, chasing its tail.
This one too!
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a bite-sized pink pokémon with blue polka-dots – or, as I liked to call them, poké-dots – spread out over his skin.
XDDDD "Poke dots"

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One, tall and broad, looked down upon me with alarmed eyes which quickly returned to wary;
I like how you described this part. o:

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Ikari nodded, and with her eyes she followed Shardclaw walking beside the normal type, guiding him closer to the clinic.
I like how Shardclaw's helping. *v*

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I’m not an idiot. ...Well...maybe I sometimes am, but Raiys introduced her to me as Azure.
XD "Well...maybe sometimes I am."

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Or, as an old friend and I used to say, it made anti-sense.
Wonder who that old friend was... xD

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I noticed that Shard’s eyes grew as large as Cubbs’ thick skull and he snapped at me to extinguish it.
I really like this, and how it shows just how afraid he is of fire. o:

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I drew a sharp breath and adjusted my grip, biting down harder. Finally I felt the prey droop, and I grimaced, imagining how painful it must have been when I failed to extinguish hi—its life.
I like this part a lot too, and how she feels guilty for not killing it immediately, and also how she tries not to refer to its gender. It certainly goes against the whole "carnivores are evil" stereotype!

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“The food chain works in a certain way. Without the food, there is no chain; and without the chain, there’s no order of things. So don’t feel bad.”
I liked this too! It's how I've always seen the wild pokemon world (and the world of my animals, too) and how predators see the whole predator/prey thing.

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praying from the depths of my heart for Arceus to spare my soul allow me my life.
Confusing sentence. o.o

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Pretending the cubone was Cubbs, a spark of dislike got the ghost move fired up
XDDD Haha!


I didn't see any typos...just that one confusing part. I really liked this chapter as it was exciting and suspenseful and well...I really want to know what happens next! XD Now for more thoughts on it...

First of all...I was really surprised at Azure having lived in the colony, and how they seemed to think it was impossible for her to have been on the ship. Weeeeiiiiiiirrrddd.... It makes me wonder what sort of part she plays in the plot, and what all that means. I also wonder if she and Dusty will start to get along more...or at least, better than before, later on or something.

Also, this is really random, but when it said they passed Shard's house, I was kind of curious as to what it looked like inside. Too bad Dusty didn't get to look! I liked the description of the healer's house! (Too bad Dusty didn't like it....she might have to end up there! D: )

Also, I really liked Ikari's personality. She's just so....nice! :D

I really liked how you wrote the parts with Shard being afraid of the fire. It was really well done. I have to wonder what Shard felt when Dusty used those flamethrower attacks in the battle.

I really wonder why Shard was just standing there when the boulder fell. It was really strange. o: But I liked how Dusty saved him, then later he saved her. :D Yay for scythers saving people (or pokemon)! And he was fighting a numel at one point. o: That must have been scary for him! (And Dusty attacking the sandslash with fire attacks, too). And Dusty lost half of her tail? D: I really wasn't expecting that! And I wonder who that houndoom at the end was, and if he really is a bad guy. o: I like how you had Dusty afraid of him as her attacks really wouldn't do much good against a houndoom.

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It's was funny--where it says earlier that the sandslash "shook off", it was originally "shook their heads", but then when I read over it I thought it sounded like they were saying no rather than shaking them to rid them of flames, I guess, so I changed it to "shook off", but since it was their heads that they shook, I put "shook their heads off". When I read over that, I was like xDDDDD *changes*
XDDDD Haha, shook their heads off!

Snowcrystal: Wow...fighting all those pokemon sounds really scary! O_O

Blazefang: You think it sounds scary? At least Dusty doesn't have a Forbidden Attack that could be set off.

Kinje: Go Shard! :D

Blazefang: You know, kid, he didn't seem to be doing such a good job battling against all those pokemon.

Kinje: But he's gonna kick butt! He's an awesome battle scyther!

Blazefang: *rolls eyes*

Wildflame: A houndoom...hm...I wonder what he's doing there...

Alex: Dusty lost half her tail? o.o *looks at own tails*

Spark: I want to know what all those pokemon's problem was! Sheesh, attacking randomly? They better have a good excuse!

Damian: I wish I was there to help. D:

Wildflame: Let's just hope they can get out of this one without too many more injuries. D:
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