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Old 08-04-2009, 04:11 PM
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Default Re: ~ Eternity of Time ~ Prologue Up

Originally Posted by Giratina View Post
Hmm. Wel, I finally got around to actually reading this. I'll say, it sounds pretty interesting. :3 And now, my thoughts.

PROLOGUE: The first thing I noticed: it was long. Really long. Almost too long to count as a prologue. Prologues, to most people, are simply things that come before the main story with no super-relevant plot details. In other words, optional reading. Having Iyoku learn what he had to do in the prologue would not be helpful to those who don't read prologues (there are some people out there), and in all honesty that could have passed very well for the first chapter. There was also what some people call a lot of info-dumping; for example, you could have cut out a good chunk of the lengthy explanation of what on Earth happened by taking the whole Planet Paralysis/Robotnik the Tyrant thing to the prologue, and leaving all of the more important stuff - such as Celebi and the other Emerald Holders - for chapter one.

CHAPTER ONE: Not much to say about this chapter, except that the action seems to be going a little too fast.

Also, a note on all the chapters so far: I understand Mesprit granting the Emerald to Iyoku without much hesitation, seeing as I assume she can read his emotions and whatnot (or maybe that's just Metal Coat fanon speaking), but I certainly hope the other Emeralds won't be as easy to obtain. Think about it - from what I know, Chaos Emeralds are items of unimaginable power, granted some time long ago to the stronger Pokémon in existence: namely, some Legendaries. And all of them will just to fork it over to some itty-bitty hedgehog with a shiny Eevee they find in their cave? Either Legendaries have some bad logic, or this is getting to be just a little bit too easy.

CHAPTER TWO: Not much to say. Still curious about the strangely-colored Luxury Ball, thou-

On hiatus until two people respond? That's no way to write a fanfic!
[launches into angry ramble about how other people's lack of comments should not be a driving force in whether one should write a fic or not and how three weeks with no comments happens to her all the time, but she still wrote Metal Coat anyway]

Okay. In all seriousness, that's not a good idea. Other people shouldn't make you decide whether to continue writing or not. Did you know on the PokéCommunity Forums appearance of Metal Coat it didn't get even one comment until chapter sixteen? People write fanfiction because they want to add their creative two cents to the established fandom they love so much - in this case Pokémon and Sonic the Hedgehog. Lots of people don't even publish theirs anywhere - in fact, a good RL friend of mine has wrote an enormous crossover and never put it out to anybody. My point is, comments on a story don't matter if you want to write a story.

...Somebody else post here so we can get more chapters! D:<

Wow, well, if there's one thing I noticed by now, the best way to get attention to a fic is to put it on hiatus if no one responds XD
Don't worry though, I wasn't actually going to follow up on that ^^'
And since this post likely has way too many characters in it, I'll post the next chapter after this oO

Anyway, yes, Mesprit could read both their emotions, and that's why she trusted Iyoku with the first Chaos Emerald, but the next ones will be harder to get. After all, we can't have everything handed to us on a silver platter...In fact, we've written up to chapter twenty, and they still haven't gotten the second one yet XD

Originally Posted by metal sonic View Post
*flops in* You rang? Meheh, I haven't had much time to read it (been stuck on a writers block and working over it); but it is, of course, good. Giratina has the right idea; some people are just readers; they like it, and don't really have anything to say, so they just pop right back out after reading it. No reason to go on a hiatus. That's why the no double-posting rule for the fan fic boards is partially nullified (that, and for multi-post length chapters).

Keep posting chapters; people'll keep reading! *pulled out by an electromagnet*
Yep, don't worry, I'll keep posting them ^^

Originally Posted by Grassy_Aggron View Post
Lol, I think I just realized Nazo only have five quills (I'm still deciding, actually) XP Nice job on mixing the speech up Shell ^^

More action for me ^^

Lilac: Hey! Don't forget me!
Thanks, and it's a good thing we waited 'till chapter twenty to post, otherwise we'd probably be pretty pressured right now XD

Originally Posted by k_pop View Post
Sorry Shell, I did read your chapter, it was just late at night when I did. ^^'
I copied the typos I found and saved them somewhere so I could put them up with the post...but I seem to have misplaced them.

You and your bad memory. =>.>=

Yeah, I can't help it. >.<

Anyway, I really liked the chapter you guys. So far, what you two have put together is really turning out. ^^
I can't wait to see where this plot goes. And Nazo has a Pokemon now. Cool. Keep at it! *thumbs up*

As for the typos I found, I guess I'll have to read through again.
That's why I keep everything on my jumpdrive...unless of course I forget it at home ^^'
Anyway, thanks for the reply XD

Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post

Personally I'd not make the 'a' a lowercase. =/ Because it's not part of a previous sentence's speech. Also, again, the capital 'H' in 'He' should be lowercase. This happens quite a few times--I'll leave you to find them on your own. ;P

And lol, Kris, that's exactly what I did with chapter one! xD I swear I saved it, but yeah. :P Disappeared. :3 Well, I'm about to read chapter two, and when I do I'll catch those pesky typos. :D (Hopefully xD)

Thanks for this one too, Xanthe, and after I fix up the typos, I shall post the third chapter (the fourth will still be posted on Friday).
I'm not really on this site anymore due to the horrible lag, so if you want to contact me, DA would be your best choice.

Last edited by Michelle8936; 08-04-2009 at 04:25 PM.
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