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Old 07-27-2009, 03:51 AM
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Default Re: Communication (PG-13) [Chapter Nine Now Posted]

Dr. House:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. House View Post
I'm pretty sure Pokemon's names should be capitalized.
Capitalization of the names of pokémon species (as well as other pokémon-related things such as moves, types, items, et cetera) really seems to be a matter of individual preference rather than anything that has any actual rules to it. There are some authors who choose to capitalize all of these sorts of things, some authors who choose to capitalize only some of them (e.g. capitalizing only the names of moves), and some who choose not to capitalize any of them. I just happen to fall into the third of those categories (though I used to fall into the first).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. House View Post
Quote:
He held the human’s dark, flat stare for a long moment, and then shook his head pityingly.
Added an 'and'.
That works, though technically so does the original version of that excerpt. The same goes for all of the other excerpts cited as needing an "and" before a "then". I haven't quite made a decision regarding whether or not to add "and" to at least some of them, though I'm currently leaning towards not doing so.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. House View Post
Ribbonlike -> ribbon-like
"Ribbonlike" is a word, actually. I discovered that it's absent from my word processor's dictionary for whatever reason; however, it is recognized as an actual word by a number of online dictionaries as well as by the dictionary that I currently have sitting next to me.

Meanwhile, it turns out that "closeby" is indeed not a word. Thanks for helping to bring that fact to my attention. ^^ However, I've decided to replace it with "nearby" rather than "close by" as a matter of aesthetic preference.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. House View Post
All of the world -> the entire. Sounds much better.
That, like the matter of whether or not to capitalize the names of pokémon species, is really just a matter of personal preference. I'm not sure whether I prefer "all of the world" or "the entire world" there, but something I've chosen to do to that passage has precluded the need for either of those options. It was brought to my attention that the presence of the word "solely" in that sentence renders it unnecessary to put anything along the lines of "all of the" or "the entire" before "world", so I've changed it to just "the world" to remove the redundancy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. House View Post
Quote:
He was so mistrustful of those spindly limbs that were it not for Jal’tai’s telekinesis keeping him upright; his lack of faith in them would have certainly caused them to give right out from under him.
A semicolon after upright.
It would be correct to place a semicolon there if both the part of the sentence before the semicolon and the part after it could stand on their own as separate sentences. In that sentence, however, only the part after it is capable of standing on its own.

This is what happens when one attempts to use the part before it as a separate sentence:

He was so mistrustful of those spindly limbs that were it not for Jal’tai’s telekinesis keeping him upright.

If it were not for Jal'tai's telekinesis keeping him upright, then what? It depends on the other part of the original sentence in order to make sense. When this is the case, it's actually incorrect to join the parts with a semicolon.

The same is true of the other excerpts that were cited as needing semicolons:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Original Text
He repeated this action a couple of times, seeming intent on making sure that Solonn memorized the sequence, then pushed the two buttons in succession.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Original Text
It was difficult to extract much detail from his memory regarding those events, for at the time when they had occurred, he had been under the influence of the drugs Jal’tai had slipped into his food, which had greatly hampered his perception.
Because the bolded parts of those sentences wouldn't make sense as separate sentences, I used commas in those instances rather than semicolons.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. House View Post
Quote:
something not quite conscious, and something primal.
Added an 'and'.
This is a situation in which adding an "and" would change the meaning of the sentence. The sentence from which that excerpt came wasn't actually intended to say that the "something" in question was both "not quite conscious" and "primal" with those two phrases treated as different and separate. Rather, "something primal" was used there to emphasize the degree to which the "something" was "not quite conscious". It's basically there to elaborate upon something that's already there ("something not quite conscious"), not to add something else altogether.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. House View Post
Quote:
Not terribly far away, he could make out the dark line of trees that represented the border between Convergence and its surrounding woods—that was his goal.
Two options:
trees that represented the border between Convergence and its surrounding woods—that were his goal.

A tree that represented the border between Convergence and its surrounding woods—that was his goal.
In the original version of that sentence, the use of "was" rather than "were" is actually correct because it's referring to a word that's considered singular, specifically the word "line". The trees are plural, but in this context they are being viewed collectively as a singular boundary, a border marking where the city ends and the forest begins. The text refers to a singular line of trees in order to reflect this.

If that second option were used, the sentence would no longer be describing what it was meant to describe--rather than an entire forest, there'd only be one tree there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. House View Post
Quote:
before he could put this city and the dragon to whom it belonged behind him for good, he just couldn’t wait to close that final distance.
whom -> which.
"Whom" was used there rather than "which" because "the dragon" in this context is a sentient being. "Whom" is the correct word to use for people regardless of whether or not the person in question is human.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. House View Post
I love the story so far! Though it's long, it's worth reading. I can't wait for the tentch chapter!
I'm glad to hear (or read, rather) that you're enjoying this despite its length. ^^ As for the tenth chapter, it's already written (as are the eleventh, twelfth, thirteenth, and fourteenth chapters), so it'll be up sometime fairly soon, probably around the fifteenth of August. I won't be posting it any sooner than that, though--I try to give folks a decent amount of time (or what I hope is a decent amount of time, at least ^^; ) to read one chapter before dropping the next on them, especially in cases such as this one in which both the most recent chapter and the one that follows it are particularly long.
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