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Old 06-25-2009, 08:54 PM
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DarkGardevoir Offline
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Default Re: A diamond in the...Trash? [READY to be GRADED]

Story: this story was nothing new under the sun. It's so old it's not even funny trying to mock someone for using this plot. It'll work for a Simple Pokemon at most, but you'll need more elaborate plots for better Pokemon.

Grumpy mood aside, I must say that the way you told the story, which really gave me the feel that you were really the guy of the story, excited about telling me your first day, and the trash thing was a tip of originality that saved an otherwise perfectly carbon-copy basic trainer story. Keep this up, and you'll do good.

Grammar: minor mispellings and typos, nothing too problematic. First, you capitalized a word after a comma. Second, you have to type numbers, uness they're big ones- and even then, it's just easier to type out the words. 3 should be three and so on.

It was very neat, unexpected for a first story.

Description: this however wasn't surprising. You didn't describe anything but Chimchar and Burmy, which is something rare. But good. Remember to describe your character as well, which in first-person stories might be hard. Other than that, descriptions should include background details, terrain characteristic, and adding personal details to your Pokemon wouldn't be half bad.

length: -.- nothing to say here.

Battle: well, it wasn't half bad honestly. You actually did a realistic battle, and even cared about not fainting your opponent.

Outcome: i'm sorry for the lame grade but it's you who complained about your story needing a grade. Personally, I've had my share of basic stories. Anyway, Burmy Caught. Have fun and don't bother people too much.
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