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Old 03-03-2009, 10:16 PM
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Default Re: Movie Reviews [Warning: Possible Spoilers]

Kendo's Double Feature!

Coraline and...Bee Movie?

Let's start with...Coraline

Before Coraline was a movie, it was a boring, boring, BORING book. It was interesting, but nothing special. I'm surprised I was able to finish it all. Anyways, Tim Burton was looking for another movie to do, and he found this book. Knowing him, he made it into quite a good movie.

The story's about a blue-haired girl named Coraline who follows mice into a door and finds a fantasy world where everything is how she wants it to be, but then she finds out it's actually more like a nightmare and some lady wants to eat her soul. That's a mouthful, right? It's a solid plot, but since I read the book beforehand, I'm not sure what was surprising and what wasn't.

As usual, the animation is splendid, and even better in 3-D. Well, obviously. Now, on to the next paragraph.

Most of the voice actors are good, and they're actually believable, but three characters that really annoy me are the three spirits...ghosts...whatever they are. Later in the movie you'll see ghosts of children whose souls have been eaten by the lady who haunts the house. They're probably voiced by children, but some of their voice acting is Like for example, when Coraline gets a mystical item, one ghost says "Nice job, miss! But there's still one left!" or something. It's so high-pitched, but not excited, which sounds weird to me.

There are some scenes that I feel I must point out. In one of them, two fat ladies perform in front of a whole audience of scotish terriers. Not only that, but they're almost naked and disturbing to watch. It makes me wonder about stuff. In another, a bunch of circus mice dance. Due to the childish nature of this scene, I reccomend that anyone over 13 who has no children should just rent the DVD or Blu-Ray disc when it comes out.

All in all, it's a great movie. Its flaws aren't entirely noticeable, and it's likely you'll orget them soon after the movie gets going. I give this one a 4/5.

Bee Movie

This movie is BAD. Don't believe what everyone tells you. It's a large stain on Jerry Seinfeld's career, and it will NEVER come out. He doesn't have a chance in animated films now.

Some bee named Barry (oh great, hs name starts with a B) falls in love with a woman on the outside world. Then he realizes that people are selling bees' honey for profit. then the whole bee civilization is in uproar, they sue the ENTIRE human race, and then the bees all relax for an endless vacation. Then all plantlife dies out, and everyone eats everyone else for survival.

[censor] bee.

The ending sucks. They fly somewhere in a plane and find a flower CONSTRUCTED OF BEES SAYING "Think! Bee! Think! Bee!" and waving their arms around like IDIOTS!!!!! Why not send out a radio signal and say "Barry, we're over here"? What's wrong with that? Anyways, everybody lives happily ever after. Oh yeah, and there's also some guy who's married to the lady and is angry at the bee for getting so close to her, but that crap doesn't matter. It's not even the least bit exciting, interesting, or anything.

There's some bee stuff that doesn't make sense. First off, why do bees have antennae that double as CELL PHONES? Why do they drive cars? Why is there a machine that FINGERS HONEY OFF THE EDGE OF CONTAINERS!?!? Why are they even bottling their own honey? Why are the males workers when I thought only females went out to work? I just don't understand any of this. It nearly boggles my mind how bees can mimic every single thing people do like this.

The workers are called honey jocks, and I don't know what that's supposed to mean. If they're jocks, shouldn't they be playing sports, not pollenating flowers and getting nectar? And why do they wearprotective suits? It's not like bees get constantly attacked outside, is it?

Seinfeld's voice for Barry just doesn't work. In fact, I don't think his voice will work for just about any cartoon or CGI animated character. It's not cut out for the movies. It's way too high-pitched, and hearing it for so long really irritates me. The other actors are fine, with the exception of that lady's husband. His name doesn't really matter at all. He's just some dude, is all. His tough-but-dim-witted guy voice is very familiar, but it annoys me that I just can't remember who that voice actor was. It just doesn't work for him.

The humor is very, very, very flat. I'm not sure if I chuckled once, let alone laughed. I was too annoyed by the fact that bees are so much cooler than people in the movie, for example. That aside, here's some examples. At one part of the movie, Barry goes to a bee storage area where they're forced to make honey for people. He sees a picture of their queen, who's really some fat guy with a beard, but of course, he's a bee. Then Barry says, "That's not a queen, that's a drag queen!"


Then there's another one where he wants to hit a guy, for whatever reason (I forgot, and that's just how un-memorable this movie is), and then after some questions from his parents on where to hit him (!?) he says, "There's only one place where it really matters..."


I don't think I can go on. All in all, it's just so bad. It might even suck. I give this movie a 1/5.

A very dumb story. Go read it.
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