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Old 10-24-2008, 05:35 AM
Gem N Ems's Avatar
Gem N Ems Offline
Kage no Hikari.
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: In my own world.
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Default Re: Within Her Wildest Wishes

Well, this story isn't too bad. I'm still trying to find out where Delilah is. xD

Hmm, your description isn't bad, maybe a little more wouldn't hurt?

I'm having trouble reading some of your sentences though. The structure within them seems to be a little off.

Quote:
Her nice, amber eyes couldn’t outshine the prettiness of the room, but indeed look perfect.
'looked' would go better here.

Quote:
Then the moving eagle appeared what looked like an old time note. Those one pieces of old, sand paper.
I was just stuck on this one.

Other than that, it's not bad. Your formatting is quite nice, and the story seems intriguing too.

~Gem
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