Thread: Fyre Spin
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Old 03-08-2008, 05:28 AM
Erevales Rescue Team's Avatar
Erevales Rescue Team Offline
Amateur Trainer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 54
Default Re: Fyre Spin

I can see this story having potential, of course, near all stories do with proper storytelling. Here= (Begin Chapter 1) Manaphy quickly turned around to see the vesier, his eyes locked tight with manaphy's, the wrenching moment was too much for any pokemon to bare. The vesier shot an ember at manaphy and knocked him to the ground, manaphy got up and swam to the surface as fast as he could where he met krabby. Krabby had been a great friend of manaphy's for many years, the scorch was oblivious and krabby had to take part in the manner. So he ran off to do something to help, the vesier flashed up and sparked krabby and he was knocked out. The sea rushed in a wave and sucked the vesier in. A flash of manaphy's father, Kyogre appeared to him and he knew what he had to do. (End Chapter 1)

Adding little details and quick moments help. They keep the reader-reading. After that (IN MY MIND) I would have manaphy learn the ways of his father and attempt to find kyogre, encounter Mr.Vesier dude a bunch and krabby help out a bit. Incourporate many characters. Just giving you some idea's to keep your numerous readers #'s growing.
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