Re: [Zelda] Ocarina of Time Parody
No comments? ;_; Well, here's some more:
CHAPTER FOUR: INSIDE THE DEKU TREE
White: So this is what the Deku Tree looks like inside… Pretty crapped up, if you ask me.
Yellow: Yeah, seriously… There’s like, these patches of leaves everywhere, too.
Deku Scrub: Ya-ha!
Navi: It’s a Deku Scrub! Deflect its nuts!
Black: …Excuse me?
Navi: I said, deflect its nuts!
Black: I’m not doing anything to anyone’s nuts, thank you very much.
Deku Scrub: Ptooey! *spits out deku nut, which hits Black in the face*
Black: Oh, no you didn’t! *brings out sword and lunges towards Deku Scrub*
Deku Scrub: See ya! *hides*
Black: Come back here, you coward!
Navi: Okay, so here’s an idea- STOP questioning my authority, and DEFLECT ITS FREAKING NUTS.
Black: *backs away, blocks Deku Scrub’s attack with shield*
Deku Scrub: *gets hit in the face with the Deku Nut * Oh, what a world, what a world! *dies*
White: …Okay, guys, let’s move on.
Navi: You can see through the spider web below you.
White: Gee, thanks. So, let’s go climb up those ladders, okay? Maybe we can find-
White: Now what?
Navi: You can climb up those ladders!
White: Hey, I never thought of that before! Thanks!
Navi: See? I can be useful.
The four proceed until they come across another Deku Scrub
Deku Scrub: Ya-ha! *shoots a nut*
Black: *deflects the nut*
Deku Scrub:* runs around like a nutcase*
Black: *kicks Deku Scrub in the nuts*
Deku Scrub: OH, the PAIN! YAAAARGH!
Navi: You could have just killed him, you sadist.
Black: It’s more fun to keep them alive.
Deku Scrub: Please… don’t do that again… I’ll tell you a verrrrrry valllluable seeeeecret!
Black: Make it worth your life. *takes out sword*
Deku Scrub: Yikes! If… if you fall of a cliff… and roll when you land… you won’t die!
Black: Right, but you will. *kills Deku Scrub*
Navi: Black! That was completely unnecessary!
Black: Well, it was fun.
White: We’re going to let Yellow do the fighting from now on, all right?
The four come across a large chest.
Yellow: Oh, what earthen treasures doth this chest contain?
White: I wonder what’s inside?
Yellow: I just SAID that. * Opens chest * A Fairy Slingshot!
Navi: WAAAAAH! *sobs*
Yellow: …What did I say?
Navi: Nothing… But the slingshot… it really is made out of fairies… that handle is made out of my uncle Jimmy! WAAAAH!
Yellow: Oh. Well, that sucks…
Navi: And the left stem was my sister’s boyfriend! WAAAAH!
Yellow: *quickly hides the slingshot *
Navi: Okay… I’m over it now, I guess… How do we get out of here?
White: Hey, Yellow, use the slingshot and knock down that ladder over there.
Yellow: * shoots the ladder, ladder falls *
Navi: Wow, I guess my uncle Jimmy finally did something useful.
The four proceed to the very top of the Deku Tree, and encounter a Big Skullwaltula
Big Skullwalltula:: Oooh! Oooh! Oooooooh! Lookit me! Lookit me, guys! I’m INVINCIBLE! You can’t touch me! Nyaaaaa!
Black: *whacks Big Skullwalltula with sword *
Big Skullwalltula:: *swings back and forth* Oooh! Oooh! Can’t touch this! Oooh!
Black: This thing is pissing me off.
Navi: You guys, it’s backside is vulnerable.
Yellow: Oh, really? …Hey, Big Skullwalltula, you know what would really be insulting for us?
Big Skullwalltula:: …What?
Yellow: If you mooned us.
Big Skullwalltula:: Haha! Good idea! *turns around* I’m mooooooning you! I’m moony moony moooooning you! Nyaaa!
Yellow: *stabs Big Skullwalltula with sword*
Big Skullwalltula:: *dies*
Yellow: Okay, what now? It’s a dead end.
White: That spider web is right below us, though…
White: Excuse me?
Navi: One of you should jump down to the spider web and break it.
White: …Okay, guys, let’s go home.
Navi: What? It could work… Who wants to volunteer?
Yellow: I’ll do it!
White: Isn’t there a better way to do it than to kill of Yellow?
Navi: Nope. Now, Yellow, make sure you aim for the center of the web, and try to maintain a straight body position, and land feet first with your toes pointed and make sure your aerodynamical figures are at a constant…
Yellow: Cowabunga! * jumps off*
CHAPTER FIVE: INSIDE THE DEKU TREE, PART TWO
Navi: Hah! I told you! He broke the web and landed in the water.
White: Well, whaddya know… I’ll go next! *jumps off*
Black: All right then, let’s go, Navi. *both jump off*
All four land in the pool below the first floor, and get onto shore. A faint, green gas fills the room.
Black: Wait… I know that smell! It’s weed! *pulls tunic over mouth and nose* Guys, quick, pull your shirt over your face like this, or you’re going to get-
White: I’m seeing purrrrrrrple! Woaaaaah!
Yellow: Heh heh, checkkkk it out, duuuuuude… when I wave both of my hands like thisssss it looks like I have two hands!
Black: …Too late.
Navi: Great, all that weed the Deku Tree has been smoking must have floated down here, and now those two got high!
Black: Yeah, we’re pretty screwed… Hey, how come you’re not affected?
Navi: Does it look like I have nostrils?
Black: Well, it doesn’t look like you have a mouth either, but we all know you have a really big one.
Navi: …That was cold.
White: Hi, there, widdle Deku Baba! What’s your name, cutie-pie?
Black: Get away from that thing! *shoves White out of the way*
Deku Baba: Roar!
Black: *pokes Deku Baba with point of sword
Deku Baba: Yoiks! *dies*
White: Heh heh… it said, “Yoiks”…
Black: This is going to become tough.
The four manage to get to a room with a Deku Scrub.
Yellow: Hey, guys… duhh… y’know what rhymes with Deku Tree?
White: Ah heh heh heh… duhhhh… I dunno…
Yellow: It’s… uh… D-
Deku Scrub:: Ya-ha! *shoots nut*
Yellow: Woah… I’m hallucinating…
Black: deflects nut
Deku Scrub:: DON’T KILL ME! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE…
Black: Calm down, I just-
Deku Scrub:: I know what you did to my brother up there!
Black: Oh… heh… actually, I was just-
Deku Scrub:: 23 is number 1! *hides*
Black: …the hell?
Yellow: Heh, and 43 is, uh, number 9!
White: Yeah, and… uh… 89 is number 2!
The four finally get to the room before the boss room, which is locked. The other three have finally become normal again.
White: Man, my head hurts.
Yellow: That was pretty cool! Can we go back there and get high aga-
Black: NO! Now let’s kill these three Deku Scrubs.
Navi: WATCH OUT! STRONG IRON BARS BLOCK THE DOOR.
White: …We know.
Navi: You’re welcome.
Black: Wait… 23 is number one… Hm…
Black deflects the Deku Scrubs’ nuts in the right order.
Deku Scrub:: How did you know our secret?
Yellow: A little bird told us.
Deku Scrub:: I’ll have to tell you a big secret that you can use to defeat the big monster behind this door!
White: Cool, what is it?
Deku Scrub:: When you kill her, she will die! *hides*
White: …At least the door’s unlocked.
The four enter the boss room, and a large door stops them from going back.
White: Great… So where’s the big scary monster?
Yellow: I don’t know. But hey, you know what rhymes with Deku Tree?
Black: No, what?
Gohma: *drops from the ceiling* RAGABLARGH!
Yellow: Wrong answer! *shoots Gohma with slingshot*
Black: *stabs it in the eye*
Yellow: Could you stop yelling for like, one second?
Gohma: BLARGH! *releases several Gohma Larvae*
Gohma Larvae: We are fearsome!
White: *slaughters Larvae*
Yellow: *shoots Gohma in the eye with slingshot
Navi: Quick! Shoot it in the eye with your slingshot, and then hit it with your sword!
Black: Just shut up, will ya? *stabs Gohma in the eye*
Gohma: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! BLAGAGAARGH! BLAGA RAGAAGAARGH BLAGARAGAH!
Black: Shut up!
Gohma: Sorry, it’s just that you caused me a lot of pain, and it’s necessary that I vent it in the form of yelling before I die. *dies*
A blue light and a Heart Container appears.
Yellow: All right, a heart! And a big one! *opens container, takes out heart, divides it in three, gives one to each Link*
Navi: Um… why is there blood pouring out of it?
Yellow: Because it’s a heart. Why else?
Navi: A REAL heart?
Yellow: Well, of course.
White:*finishes eating heart, wipes blood off of mouth* Alright, let’s go, guys.
The four enter the blue light.
Yellow: Heh, you know what rhymes with “heart”?
Navi: No, what?
The light warps them away.
CHAPTER SIX: LEAVING THE FOREST
Deku Tree: Woah… I’m hallucinating… It looks like those kids are, like, floating down in a blue light… huh huh…
White: We DID.
Deku Tree: Oh, heh, you’re back… cool.
Yellow: And we killed the spider that was inside you, too!
Deku Tree: Holy crap, there was a spider inside me?
Yellow: Um, yeah… the really big one? You never noticed?
Deku Tree: Ah heh heh… I remember now… I inhaled this huge spider egg along with my weed by accident. Oh well, whatever.
White: Hold on a second. If you didn’t know about the spider, what did you send us in there for?
Deku Tree: Wild goose chase, really… it’s not like you could have broken the curse anyways… Plus, Navi was being annoying what with her, like, telling me not to smoke weed…
Navi: You sent us in there and made us risk our lives so you could get high again?
Deku Tree: Yeah, I might as well get high before I die… Hey, huh huh, I’m a poet and I didn’t even-
White: Whaaat? You’re still going to die, even after we killed that big spider and everything?
Deku Tree: Yeah, sorry. That Ganondorf dude’s curse was pretty powerful- HEY! LOOK OUT! IT’S GANONDORF!
Black: Yaa! *turns around, draws sword*
Deku Tree: Oh… heh… just another hallucination… speaking of which, why do you guys have purple wings and horns?
Deku Tree: Oh… and here’s, uh, the shiny stone I promised you guys… *gives the Links the Kokiri Emerald*
Yellow: Kick ass!
Deku Tree: Oh, and one last thing before I, like die… I got another story.
White: I hope this one makes sense…
Deku Tree: Okay, so there’s like, a blonde, a brunnete, and… uh, a redhead, all right? And one day, they’re really bored, so… duh… they decide to, uh, create a new world. So the redhead, like, makes the earth, and the brunnete, like, makes the sky and everything, and the blonde makes the, um, living things. And then they make these three triangles that are, uh, well, super powerful. But then everyone …duh… kills each other to try to get the triangles, which is stupid. And that’s, like, funny, because blondes are stupid.
Yellow: …Hey, I’m a blonde!
Deku Tree: Yeah… I know… Anyways, the moral of the story is you gotta go meet some rich chick in a castle and then save the world.
Yellow: Boooooring! Tell the one about Goron-locks and the three Keese.
Deku Tree: I don’t know that one… anyways… I’m gonna die now… so, like see ya…
Deku Tree: Oh, yeah, and don’t forget to *shrivels up and dies*
Navi: Finally! I thought I was going to have to kill him myself. …Stupid pothead.
The four try to leave the garden area, but Mido blocks their way.
White: Hey, Mido, we gotta go, so if you could be so kind as to-
Mido: WHAT you DO to DEKU TREE?
White: Nothing! See, this evil man came and…
Mido: You KILL the DEKU TREE?
White: No! This evil man named Ganondorf…
Mido: I go tell EVERYONE that you KILL DEKU TREE! *leaves to his house*
White: Sheesh. All right guys, let’s get a move on-
Mido: *climbs on the top of his house with a megaphone* ATTENTION EVERYONE! WHITE, BLACK, AND YELLOW KILLED DEKU TREE!
Kokiri Boy: …The Deku Tree? Whassat?
Mido: WE FORM ANGRY RIOT! REPEAT AFTER ME: TREE KILLERS! TREE KILLERS!
Kokiri Girl: What, that stupid old tree in that garden over there? It’s about time it died.
Kokiri Boy: Heh, I didn’t know that rotting plant even had a name!
Mido: TREE KILLERS! TREE KILLERS! TREE KILLERS!
Kokiri Girl: So now that the old tree’s gone, I was thinking we could uproot him, or burn him, or something, and make a nice flower garden.
Kokiri Boy: I was thinking more of a fruit orchard, or vegetable garden. Food is always a nice thing to have!
Mido: COME ON, PEOPLE! CHANT! TREE KILLERS! TREE KILLERS!
Kokiri Girl: Daisies, sunflowers, petunias, roses, tulips…
Kokiri Boy: Apples, oranges, carrots, onions, blackberries, plums…
Mido: TREE KILLERS! TREE KILLERS!
Kokiri Boy: For the love of god, will someone shut that lunatic up?
Yellow: Will do. *shoots Mido with slingshot*
Mido: TREE KILLERS! TREE KI- *gets hit by seed* AY! *falls of house*
Kokiri Girl: Thanks. So, are you guys the ones that killed the tree?
White: We didn’t really kill him, someone else did that for us.
Kokiri Girl: Oh, whatever. We should have a party!
White: We’d love to, but we have to go to Hyrule Castle and save the world and stuff.
Navi: Yeah, sorry, it’s pretty urgent.
Kokiri Boy: Oh… That’s okay. Well, good luck then.
The four head out the exit from the Kokiri Forest.
Kokiri Boy: Good luck!
Kokiri Girl: Be careful!
Mido: TREE KILLERS! TREE KILLERS! TREE… Hey! What you do? What you do with that rock? You the boy who I tell to pick up rocks in front my house! Why you raise rock over head? Hey! What you- OW! WHAT YOU HIT ME FOR? DON’T HIT… OW! THAT HURT BAD! STOP THAT… OUCH!
Come on, there's got to be some
Zelda fans here! With a sense of humor...If there aren't any comments in the next few days, I'll just stop posting and wasting my time. ._.