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Old 05-30-2007, 09:41 PM
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Default [Zelda] Ocarina of Time Parody

Note: I did not write this, I am not claiming to have written it. I just thought it was extremely amusing and decided to share it with you all. This was written by Grass of Zelda Universe.


Deku Tree: Navi, come hither…

Navi: What’s up, Deku Tree?

Deku Tree: Come hither, Navi…

Navi: Uh, I am hither. What do you want?

Deku Tree: Navi… Come hither, Navi…

Navi: I AM HITHER! What do you want?

Deku Tree: …hwa? Oh, Navi! I was just about to call thou… duh… thee… thoo?

Navi: You DID call me. What do you need?

Deku Tree: I dunno… huh…

Navi: Have you been smoking weed again?

Deku Tree: Well, what else am I supposed to do with the weeds? They grow all over the place, and it’s not like anyone cares enough to get rid of them…

Navi: sighs Whatever. What do you need me to do?

Deku Tree: Go get those kids… in that tree… y’know…

Navi: What, the triplets?

Deku Tree: Yeah… they’re gonna like… save the world and stuff… huh huh…

Navi: Right… I guess I’ll go get them. But do me a favor and sober up before I come back, so you can actually make some sense, all right?

Deku Tree: Huh huh… okay… heh… if I had fingers, they’d be crossed right now…

Navi: Idiot.

Navi flies through the forest, towards the house of the Link triplets.

Navi: Why does that pothead need me to do his dirty work? There are plenty of suckers around! Why me? I don’t care about the world anyways. Plus, how are three little kids going to save it anyways? I mean…

Random Kokiri Girl: Hello!

Navi: Piss off!
Navi: Hey, guys, wake up, you gotta go save the world…

Yellow Link: Cool! I’m in!

Navi: That’s great. Wake up your brothers, will ya?

Black Link: Mmph…

White Link: Oof…

Yellow: Come on, guys, let’s go save the world!

White: We played that game yesterday. Plus, it’s like, six in the morning…

Black: Yeah…

Navi: The Great Deku Tree called you, and if you don’t get up, I’m going to body slam you.

Black: How much do you weigh, like, a fourth of a gram?

Yellow: Actually, grams are a measurement of mass!

Black: Nobody cares, yellow… snores

Navi: Okay, fine- if you don’t get up, I’m not going to stop talking. I’ll just keep on talking forever, and ever, about nothing worthwhile but I’ll still be talking, and you’ll never sleep, and when…

White: Fine! Sheesh! I’m up.

Black: All right, whatever, let’s go see the ol’ Deku Tree…

Yellow: Hey, you know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

White: No, what?

Navi: Hurry up! flies out the door

White: Tell us later. We gotta go.
Navi: Okay, so the Deku Tree is that way, so we should-

White: Crap, it’s that lunatic Saria again…

Black: No biggie. Distract her, and I’ll go take a rock, go behind her, and-

Saria: YAHOO! Hi, guys!

Black: …Too late.

Everyone climbs down the ladder to the ground

Saria: YAHOO!

Black: Stop saying yahoo!

White: And get out of our way, we have to go see the Deku Tree.

Saria: The… the… the Deku Tree?

Yellow: Yup!

Saria: YAHOO!

Black: Shut up!

Saria: Wait! I have to tell you something!

White: What?

Saria: …YIPPEE!

White: Bye.

Navi: What a weirdo… Hey, who’s that kid blocking the way?
Mido stands in front of the entrance to the Deku Tree. As the three Links try to get around him, he moves and blocks their way.

Black: Okay, no biggie. Distract him, and I’ll go take a rock, get behind him, and-

Mido: STOP!

Black: …Too late.

White: Mido, I know you enjoy being an ass, but we have to go see the Deku Tree.

Mido: WHAT? Deku Tree call YOU not ME? How this HAPPEN?

White: I don’t know, stop yelling.

Mido: You no PASS if no have SWORD and SHIELD!

White: How come?

Mido: Too DANGEROUS without SWORD and SHIELD. Big scary MONSTERS and STUFF!

Navi: What kind of monsters?

Mido: Big PLANTS that SPIN around much!

Navi: …Screw you.

The four go up to the nearby shop.

Kokiri Girl: Hey! Talk to me!

White: Uh, sure. Hi, how’s it going?

Kokiri Girl: Isn’t that awesome? You’re talking to me!

White: Yeah, that’s just great.

Yellow: Whatcha doing up there, anyways?

Kokiri Girl: I climbed up here with a ladder, and now I can’t get down, so I amuse myself by making people talk to me.

White: Well, okay then…

Kokiri Girl: Hey, any chance you could throw some food up here? Like a hot dog? Or maybe even a potato? …Man, no one ever listens to me…

The four enter the shop

Yellow: Hi, we’d like to buy three swords and three shields.

Storeowner: That will be *falls down, jumps up again* impossible, because *falls down, jumps up again* this store sells shields *falls down, jumps up again* but not swords!

Yellow: Oh, poo. How much do the shields cost?

Storeowner: 40 Rupees *falls down, jumps up again* each!

White: Okay, I have enough. * pays storeowner * But come on, you seriously don’t sell swords?

Storeowner: Nope! * falls down*

White: What’s in that room behind you that’s labeled “the room that sells stuff that’s actually useful”?

Storeowner: * jumps up again* Nothing! *falls down *

Black: Okay, distract him, and I’ll take a rock and…

Navi: Shut up, Black! Listen, storeowner, you better open that door or… something bad will happen.

Storeowner: Nope! *falls down*

Navi: *sighs*Okay, fine, Black, we’ll distract him. Hurry up.

Storeowner: Wait, you’re *falls down, jumps up again* seriously going to do that?

Navi: I don’t know, you wanna wait and find out?

Storeowner: Fine! * falls down, opens door behind him * We have bazookas for 5,000 Rupees, bottle of Advil for 4,200 Rupees, a hot dog for 3 Rupees, a sword for 300 Rupees, an industrial-strength condom for…

White: The swords! We’ll take three! Here’s 900 Rupees.

Storeowner: *jumps up again* All right, wait here, and *falls down, jumps up again*I’ll go get it for you. *falls down, goes to the backroom *

Yellow: Hey, guys, you know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

Navi: What?

Storeowner: Here are the swords.

White: Awesome! Thanks!

Everyone leaves, except for Black

Black: So when you say “industrial strength”, you mean like…

White: Black! Hurry up!

Black: Coming! leaves


White: Okay, guys, let’s go see what the Deku Tree wants, now that we have-

Mido: STOP! No PASS if no have SWORD and SHIELD! Too DANGEROUS because MONSTERS and STUFF!

White: Yeah, we’re all armed. Wanna let us-

Mido: WHAT? HOW that HAPPEN? I tell guy not to OPEN secret ROOM with SWORDS but he OPEN it!

White: That’s great. Now move it.

Mido: STOP! No PASS if no have INDUSTRIAL strength CONDOM!

Black: Mido, you’re seriously asking for a sword up the ass.

Mido: Okay, FINE. moves out of the way

White: Thank god.

Yellow: Hey, guys, you know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

White: No, what?

Yellow: D-

Deku Baba: Roar.

Yellow: WOAH!

Navi: It’s a Deku Baba! Slash it with your sword and you’ll get a stick!

Black: What?

Navi: …Just kill it.

Black: pokes Deku Baba with the point of the sword

Deku Baba: Yoiks! dies

Black: Oh cool, a Deku Stick… so, how is this different than a normal stick?

Navi: It burns!

Black: So… how is it different than a normal stick?

Navi: You can burn it.

Black: Right, but how is it-

Deku Baba: I’m baaaack!

Black: pokes Deku Baba with the point of the sword

Deku Baba: Yoiks! dies

Black: Okay, forget about it. Let’s move on.

The four arrive at the Deku Tree’s garden.

Deku Tree: Holy guacamole… I’m seeing triple…

Navi: What?

Deku Tree: There’s like, three little kids, with swords, and they’re like wearing different colored clothes… hooh hooh… I’m sooooo wasted…

Navi: You smoked pot again, didn’t you.

Deku Tree: Well maybe I did and maybe I did.

Navi: Deku Tree, these are the three kids you wanted to see you.

Deku Tree: Oh ho ho, right! Yeah, I have a… duh… story to… uh… tell you, okay?

Yellow: All right, story time!

Deku Tree: Okay… so like, two men walk into a bar… actually, one of the men is a tree… so like… a man and a tree walk into a bar… and like, the man says “Yo, homie, gimme your Kokiri Emerald or I’ll whoop yo ass.” And the tree’s all like, “Don’t get all up in my face, girlfriend.” And then like… yeah.

White: …Huh?

Yellow: That story sucked. Tell the one about those three little pigs and the wolfos!

Deku Tree: I don’t know that one… uh… anyways, the moral of the story is that you need to go inside me and break a curse, so you can save the world, okay?

White: What does saving you have to do with saving the world?

Navi: Yeah, what if we just let you die?

Deku Tree: Well, there’s a slingshot in me that you can have.

White: Why would we want a slingshot?

Deku Tree: So you can like… uh… kill spiders.

White: We can always buy a slingshot somewhere else.

Black: Or, like, an Uzi.

Deku Tree: Yeah, but this one’s a Fairy Slingshot… which means like… it’s made out of, uh, the blood and flesh of fairies…

Navi: You murderer!

Black: I don’t care about slingshots anyways. Give us a better deal.

Deku Tree: I’ll… uh… give you some weed if you save me… oh… and this shiny stone. takes out the Kokiri Emerald

Yellow: Woah, a shiny stone! Guys, come on, we have to go break the curse!

White: Okay, fine, whatever. Let’s go.

Deku Tree: opens mouth

White: Wait, we have to go inside you?

Deku Tree: Yeah.

White: …When was the last time you brushed your teeth?

Deku Tree: I don’t have teeth.

White: Sounds good.
I'll post the rest in a bit, this post is getting long. I think it's hilarious, what do you guys think?
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