Originally Posted by Tombi
I'm sorry, but this is just awful.
1) Please use proper grammar.
2) Check spellings.
3) Use speech marks.
4) Start a new line when someone new speaks.
5) Description, anyone?!
6) Your character: Who are you? What's your name? What school? When was recess? How old are you? What do you look like? Were you shocked? Happy? Surprised? What?
This wouldn't even pass as a roleplay post. Ever. Look at the other fan fics around here. You'll see what I mean.
*aggrees* yes, srsly, make his longer, and have proper grammar